Flower Bomb

It's been over a month since I've written here. I've been spending my writing time participating in Writing in Community where I am taking all of the automatic writing that has been flowing through me in my journal and pulling it together as a series of reflections and practices for deepening ones connection to the divine. Stay tuned on that one.

I have a back-log of pieces to share here and will post them in order, even though the sessions and/or meditations may have happened months ago. Today I'll start with a meditation experience I had pretty close to the last energy session I wrote about in The Orange Tree.

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I went into meditation and felt a sadness in my chest that felt like it had been growing for a while. I fell into Isabel, my higher self, and she held me while I fully felt the sadness. It was so heavy, like a cannonball. I wanted to dislodge it, but knew it had to grow in its full weight.

Once it grew to its full weight, Isabel and another guide pulled the cannonball out of me and set it on the ground. I wanted to throw it far away, but they said to keep it there. They blew into my chest, clearing out any residue that was leftover and putting in light and air. They then filled it with a mesh ball, seemingly made of light, that made the hole go away, both literally and in terms of the pain it had caused.

I looked at the cannonball and it was growing spikes, kind of like a coronavirus. I pulled away because I knew it was going to explode - and it did - but it wasn’t loud or impactful. Instead an array of flowers came out and were immediately planted in the ground.

It was a literal flower bomb.

I gathered some and put them in a vase. I wasn’t sure where to put them and kept trying places in my home, but nowhere feel right. Then I realized I needed to give them to my maternal Grandmother as a sign of her sadness being reborn into beauty and color. She accepted them and wrote about them in her book.

The Orange Tree

8th Energy Session

Intention: Wanting to get unstuck. Feeling like I had done so much emotional work, yet kept getting pulled back into old things or not able to move forward.

My maternal grandmother presented to Kate as her higher self. She was acknowledging that she had messed up and took a lot of regret to her grave. It had something to do with favoritism across siblings that impacted my mother. While she couldn’t understand the words, Kate could see the arguments and tension between my mother and my grandmother. The energy of their interactions was elevated, intense, and emotional. These types of interactions had occurred between them from when my mom was younger all the way through to when I was a child. At this point there was a big explosion that happened.

[In the real world, this resonates with me. When I was about 8 my mother told me my grandmother had died. I believed her and didn’t find out until I was a young adult that she had actually still been alive.]

In the spirit world, my grandmother acknowledged that she was in the wrong and was doing work to take ownership and reflect on her effects on other people. It was like she was going through a process of a personal life examination.

After she explained this to Kate, my grandmother took ash, which was representative of the inflamed, burst of disconnection and friction between she and my mom and used it to amend some soil in which she planted an orange tree. It was as if the ash was added to the soil as a compost to bury it in the earth and transmute it into fortification for something new.

While my grandmother was planting the orange tree, I was rock climbing up a gorgeous cliff in the desert. I reached the top and was gazing at an amazing sunset. Then I realized that the part of me that I had evolved from had not kept up with me. I snapped into action, putting on my gear, scaling down the cliff and went on a trek to find her. I was very concerned about us being in two different places.

The journey took a couple of days. One evening as I was sitting by the fire in my campsite sparks and healing were coming through the antennae I had worked on last session. When they hit the antennae they came into my system really quickly. Suddenly a symbol came through - it looked like flower petals in a sphere or an atom. It was spinning around and then placed in my body. Immediately I bolted up and knew where the other part of me was.

I went into ultra-marathon mode, running through the desert, eating gel packs, hydrating and never stopping. I finally reached that part of myself who was in a cave, fatigued and dehydrated. I sat with her for 2 - 3 days, nourishing her with the items in my pack and eventually brought her back to health. I gave her one last drink and told her, “we’ve got to go; we can’t be late”. Apparently, my grandmother was holding a celebratory meal and serving only fruit from the tree. When we arrived, the oranges were on a table in a bowl. We all sat there and I remarked that it was so odd because there were two of me at the exact same age. My grandmother said that she would have thought that was strange before, yet now she knows.

As we cut open the oranges, their insides looked like the symbol that had been placed in my body. We both ate the fruit and then we lay down to rest. This was the point when we merged together to bring my un-evolved self up to where I was. As my grandmother helped us merge, strings of golden light surrounded us. What we realized is that it wasn’t about removing blocks, it was about catching up to myself in totality and calming down the echoes of older ways.

Practices

Spin Technique: A way to consciously pay attention to what is happening around me. When I see a negative pattern, imagine it spinning, stop the spin, restart it in the other direction and then set it off. When I see something I like or want to manifest something positive, see it as spinning, increase it maximally, set it permanently and release it. You can use this with relationships, situation, or intentions.

For example, with work I might set the intention to bring more connection, healing, and benefit to anyone who uses my services. See it as a spin and increase maximally, set permanently and release it.

Quantum Energy: Kate is doing her own work and beginning to explore quantum energy and receiving new attunements. With this, she is seeing symbols more clearly when she doesn energy work and understanding how to place the symbols into the system so they can do their work.

Moonrise: Kate suggested I explore Moonrise, a year long immersion in shamanic wisdom and practices. Moonrise is a safe and nurturing space to discover your soul’s unique gifts and integrate ancient spiritual wisdom into your life.

The Picnic

7th Energy Session

Intention: can't remember

I began the session bound tightly in a corset and rigid clothing with a ribbon stitched over my mouth and neck. Yet the binding was loosening and my family was pulling the cords and ribbon away from me. The tension between me and my family line on my mother’s side was literally falling away. As I dropped the ties that bound me, I began stepping in and out of old photos of my ancestors down the family line and being present in them in a loving way.

The power of this was that I was now owning my place in the family line, where I am right now in my lifetime, and recognizing areas of my own growth. This growth was shifting my personal mindset and way of being, as well as healing the generational pain and trauma inherited from my family lineage. My mood in the session was that ‘the buck stops here’. I claimed my work in this lifetime as healing the line and stopping the patterns. This isn’t a severing of the family line, yet a connection on a higher level. There was no room for condemnation, yet a deep acknowledgement of the struggles they went through and the patterns they were caught in.

Once the bindings were gone, we began hiking through the woods and then along a raw coastline. My children and I stopped to go swimming and, for the first time, the water I was in was not dark and stormy. It was beautiful blue water with joyful dolphins and beautiful streams of light. I soaked and swam and took it all in.

My guides had taken the fabric that had been holding me to be dyed and transmuted so it now had a very high vibrational light energy. The ribbon that had been restricting my mouth and neck was also taken and dyed a brilliant blue in the very water where we were swimming with the dolphins. The fabric and ribbon were cut up in squares and stitched together into a giant quilt.

Meanwhile Kate was doing a lot of work on my brain and its neuroconnections and then bringing this information and energy into my heart space. The work being done between these two areas on a nervous system level was to ensure that when stress is happening there is a deeper connection between the brain and the heart. She asked the higher selves of my children if they wanted to receive this energy and they said yes, but was told to put the energy in the field around them so they could take what they wanted to take when they wanted it.

It became clear the guides and our higher selves were planning a great celebratory picnic with a bounty of amazing food. Kate was told to also put the energy and information in the delicious food that was being assembled, so it would be attractive to my children. The quilt was laid down on the ground, covered with a picnic of the delicious food that was created and we all sat there on the coastline being together, joyful and celebratory. The food was feeding everyone’s souls.

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I was exiting from a sweat lodge and taken to the water. My guide began putting beaded bracelets over my wrists and I got the sense they were encoded with something to help me relinquish being the anchor of control in my family. Instead of having a vice-like grip on the family in a very ‘doing’ way, I am moving into being the anchor for my family on a more vibratory level. The coding will help me hold onto a more authentic presence of being. There will always be action (come on, I’ve got a full house!), yet the action will come from a place of presence and knowing, not scrambling and muscling through it. I’m stepping into a new way of being the glue of the family.

Felt: unbelieving, unsure, grieving

Practices:

• Pay attention to how people are responding to me, especially my family. Kate’s experience, when she started doing a lot of work on herself, was that her family noticed it and there was a vibrational change in the household. Me being in a higher vibrational state gives everyone else permission to lift up without words or action. My handling of things differently changes the relationships with my kids and spouse. See if they start saying things they don’t normally say, responding differently to me or one another. This is what I’m stepping into. A new way to be the glue of the family.

NOTE: Two days after this session, my oldest child said to me, “mom, you’ve got this really cool

golden retriever vibe going on lately”.

• When in times of stress, we see things through a pinhole or with tunnel vision. We aren’t looking at the bigger picture, yet focused on this one thing that is happening. When you can open up the view and see the bigger picture you can have some space. Query whether there is a lesson here for me to learn or if it is just happening and I don’t need to make sense of it.

• Look for shifts happening on a personal level that can ease me through some of the anxiety. See if I can find the space, grace and ability to pause and notice. The answers or right action will come from the pause.

NOTE: Meditating on a stressful situation after this session took place and I felt a strong knowing to

just to say ‘yes’. This one word gave myself a gift of acceptance of what was happening and threw

away most of the anxiety so I could see the situation more clearly. I now use this simple tool to help

whenever I am getting wound up.

Techniques and Meaning:

• Research shows that our heart has a ‘brain’ like our gut has a ‘brain’. Here and here are a couple of articles to explore on the topic.

• My Grandmother’s Hands by Resmaa Menakem and Ancestral Medicine by Daniel Foor are two books that explore intergenerational and ancestral healing.

• Genealogy may be something for me to explore.

Themes that Continue:

• Maternal line

• Water